Sick

I'm sick... At least I think I'm sick... or will be... I dono...

I dono if I'm ALREADY sick or on the way there... But I know that I'm not well...

Drove home from college around 9pm last night again (yes, been doing that every night... turning into a nerd). Din turn on the air conditioning on my drive home cos I was feeling ghastly cold.

Took a bath - icy cold bath cos the hot water thingy at the outside bathroom which me and my sis use rosak (even before we rented there so totally not our fault) and the landlady din give two fucks to get it fixed so we won't hafta suffer under the cold water, especially at night or rainy/cold days...

Outta topic d... anyways, was already feeling cold, bath cold water, lagi cold. My hands were of ICY state all throughout the night... while reading my books, while watching tv... I din even on the fan in the tv room... and my sis complained that it was so hot. =O

Wore a thick jacket after that and still fan was off... but still felt cold. Wore thick clothings all through my sleep at night but STILL cold. Am I catching a cold?

Maybe it was due to the all the raining going on here now la... but not too likely cos how can I, someone whose immune system is stronger than my sister's, fell so cold and shivering in jacket and no fan on while she is there, bathed the same icy cold shower, but yet feeling hot.

Wanted to call F last night to talk to him... Miss him so much but wasn't sure if I should call him straight in fear to disturb him, so sms-ed at 10pm to check if he's free before calling. But he said he was on the way out to collect something from a friend and will text me when he got back. So I waited for his sms while watching tv...

1.30am came. Still no msg from him to tell me if its ok to call him for a short chat or to inform me that he's gonna sleep and all... but no. Nothing from him. Not even to let me know that he cant talk. Im really bummed. This is so depressing. And it made me even sicker than I already am. But I still msg-ed him to say good night.

This sucks...

Foolish heart.

U say U still love me. But U dun want me.

U say U still love me. But U push me away.

U say U still love me. But U ask me not to put my feelings and hopes up cos things may change.

Ur friend did something mean to me. It made me happy... until I found out he was making it all up.

I feel stupid. I feel foolished. I feel played. I feel like a yo-yo.

But I dunno why I still love you... after so long. After all this.

update...

A week since I posted anything... isn't it??? I dunno... I dun recall...

Friday got no class cos of the ... something I dun remember... and who cares?

Whatever Holiday = NO CLASS

that's all that matters =P

So... came back home on Thursday after class in the evening. Drove me n my sis back. Dam freaking a LOT of cars wei... less than 1 hr journey turned out to be about 1 1/2 hr journey pulak... n lotsa lorries summore... ish...

Then drove down to Kuantan this morning again... got revision class for Business today... An extremely stressful 10am - 1.45pm... Drilling nonstop for 1 hr 45 mins... can die la...

Then me, Tee and sai lou, Tiger went to Megamall for lunch... had Ayamas's chicken rice... it's really not bad actually... Was so full of cars on the road though... had trouble finding parking... went round n round n round for like dono how many rounds only can find... by the time we found parking was like 2.45pm ady...

After lunch, we walked around. There was this BMW road show going on and I fell in love all over again with the BMW Z4 Roadster (why I said AGAIN? Cos I browsed d internet 3 yrs ago and stumbled upon it n it was love at 1st sight...n now... again) 3.0 horsepower sumore... fuh... saw also saliva dripping... and there's also a 5 series and a 7 series on display I think... and... my other favorite... the X5!!! *breathes into paper bag*

Then drove back home again lo... Nothing much le... oh... the pipe in my Ktn home burst and the room flooded... making the room directly under ours flooded as well... heh... Our room was actually still pretty ok... just the room below... the bed's all wet... pretty funny... kekeke...

Meanwhile... assignments are all pretty much done... just waiting for the lecturers to OK it... and then next week will rush my groupmates to hurry it up on their part in our projects so the rest of us can get our parts done... I need to turn on my BITCH radar for these few weeks cos I'm chosen by lecturers to be the group leader for assignments and my fellow members are the type that cuts class and have the tendency to slack off... which is not my choice of group members but those are all the people that are in the class... so we're all stuck to each other whether we like it or not... bummer... blah!

So this means I'll be super cranky and super stressed out again again again from now on... Mid term's in 3 weeks time or so... OMG... *pulls hair outta head*

If I were a doggy, I'd be...

What Common Breed of Dog Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


Nicked this from Irene's blog (listed on the right side of my blog)

I din know I had a breed in the doggy world. LoL... It's pretty true what it sez about me... Im not black, though... hehehe

So what breed are YOU?

Parents...

Talking to Irene now. About our problems and all the shits going on in our lives.

Which makes me wonder... why are parents unable to accept that their kid is facing some problems? In my case, depression.

I have had this problem since years ago... and when I finally let them in on it and I wanna go for sessions with a psychiatrist, they TOLD me that I DO NOT have depression! In fact, they INSISTED that I do not have it :

Me >> Mum, Dad. I have been suffering from depression for a long time and recently its been very much worse than before and I decided to go to a psychiatrist and perhaps find out whats wrong and get myself cured...

*got cut off*

Dad >> No no! You don't have depression! (HELLO! I do n it's been here for YEARS!) So there's no need for going to see doctors or anything.

Me >> And I also have insomnia... I havent been able to sleep for a few nights now even when Im very tired. Been going on for quite some time too. I thought of getting some sleeping pills so I can take one now and have a long good sleep...

*cut off again*

Dad >> No no no! What insomnia? Cant sleep doesn't mean insomnia (I said I have it rite?)! You're just not tired (??? din I say "even when Im very tired"???)! Don't take sleeping pills... sleeping pills are just for people who cant sleep. (???)

=.=''' WTF? What's going on here? Were they listening to me?

And again when I was having a severe gastric pain, last night, for the umpteenth time (which they know of, btw) :

Mum calls...

Me : Mum, Im having gastric. My stomach doesn't feel so good. Im lying in the shape of a human pretzel now cos it hurts so bad... can I take my gastric pills?
Mum : What? What gastric? You don't have gastric! (heh???) Take the pill Chi Kit, you just have air in ur stomach. Don't take your gastric pills. It's the first time you're feeling like that.
Me : But... but... this isn't the first time I get this... n u know too...
Mum : Ya... but it's the first time. Don't take gastric pills... take the Chi Kit pills...
Me : ........

[... I took my Actal anyways and worked like a charm! =D]

But... What's wrong with this picture? Anyone?

Me? A Looter?!

What kind of looter am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

What's a looter? >_<

Memory loss? // This girl...

Funny.

Everytime I am not planning to blog or am not logged onto my blog, I get tons of ideas on what I wanna post/update.

But when I am finally there - *click CREATE ENTRY* - I get brain-tied. Suddenly, all my ideas fly away! (hence, all the shitty sucky postings... so sue me. bLeh!)

What I DO remember is, I have been thinking about posting a "This girl" thingy... what is that? Hmm... should I do it now? Not sure yet... Once I do it, you'll then know what is it all about... =)

Anyways... I think I will do it now...

^(°oo°)^

This girl...

... is 21 years old this year.
... is misunderstood most of the time.
... has changed compared to 1/2 year ago.
... suffer from severe depression for more than 3 years now and is never fully cured.
... thinks too much about anything and everything.
... can be very noisy and loud almost all the time but can be extremely quiet, especially nowadays.
... is trying to get her life back on track again.
... is missing KL. The time when you can find some place to hang out/mamak at ANY hours of the day. Where your friends are game to have some fun.
... has many friends, but only few close friends, who actually understands and knows her.
... is judged and looked down upon most of the time.
... wants to go down to KL.
... is fucking stressed out and badly needs a vacation.
... does not have any time for herself or social life nowadays cos her life is evolved around handling responsibilities at college, 7 subjects, 5 assignments, 3 projects and 3 presentations.
... has found a friend in college that she can relate to and talk to comfortably about any topics or problems.
... is very afraid of growing fatter, even the slightest bit.
... loves McDonald's & Burger King.
... always orders the Fillet set (McD) and the (Single/Double) Mushroom Swiss set + onion rings (BK).
... loves to drive.
... loves her black Mazda 323 even though it is really old (1986/7 I think) and problematic.
... has kicked many male @$$eS in Need For Speed (and other car racing games).
... wants to graduate quickly and start her working life in KL.
... hopes to find "the one".
... tends to care too much for people that she loves/likes.
... is tired of unsuccessful/short-term relationships.
... loves watching TVB series.
... has mood swings and stomach problems on and off.
... used to have very bad temper, and still do but is very much less now.
... does not want to be in a relationship now because of hectic schedule and many other factors.
... is deeply petrified of getting hurt... physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
... has sprained her ankle three times in 2004 but is still giving problems up til now.
... is pretty close to her mum but not her dad.
... will do the best work on tasks you set upon her to complete, provided she is interested in the subject matter.
... aims to get straight A's throughout her course. *fingers crossed*
... loves to sing K, especially at Red Box.
... buys clothes mostly from MNG (MaNGo), topshop and Miss Selfridge.
... buys shoes mostly from Vincci and Nose (and Charles & Keith if in Singapore).
... thinks she has been in love only twice.
... is very straightforward and hates to be a hypocrite, so some people tend to hate her cos she refuses to lie to them just so they get happy.
... would rather people tell her the truth, even though the truth hurts, than lie/hide things from her. (Cos when the truth finally comes out, it's gonna hurt 1,000,000 times more)

^(°oo°)^

So far, these are all the "This girl" I can think of... will add more to the list when I can think of any... cos it's like 4.05am now and I gotta go get some shut eye.

Nite all and see you next time.

To YOU...

F...

This song is dedicated to you... It's a little bit outdated (the song), but this is how you make me feel. It wasn't like this for us... until the time you hurt me. It still hurts... stil does a lot. Things din have to turn out this way. Things could have been better. But you din wanna give us another chance. You cast me off just cos of ONE simple mistake. ONE! Think back on how many things you done wrong to me. I was hurt. But where was I standing through it all? Right beside you! Why? Cos look around you, F... NOBODY IS PERFECT!

I thought what we had, what we went through can handle more than this. I thought you knew me better than myself. I thought you were someone who wont give up that easily. That you were a fighter and will make things work and look beyond the surface... but you seem to prove me wrong. You disappoint me a lot.

I hope you are happy to make me feel this way. Congratulations, you succeeded in hurting me. Maybe this was your payback to me...


SCARS by Papa Roach

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

[Chorus x2]

Orientation Night pics // n00b

Uploaded some photos of my Orientation Night already. Actually uploaded some more than those you can see there now... but stupid internet connection fucked up my thing. Ended up with "Cannot Find Server" shite... sigh...

Anyways, here are my pictures : Orientation Night 2005 Photos

^(°oo°)^

Had class today... Saturday man! Also got class... actually, its replacement class le... but it's STILL A CLASS can! On Saturday too! Weekends are No Class Time ok? It's sleeping time. Nappie time. Make me feel like those poor schooling kiddies that have classes on Saturdays oso le...

Then the lecturer handed us our project questions. Yet another to add to our "Torture & stress" workpile. Business. Bah!

Well... dun wanna talk about that le... Im already dam pek chek (agitated & moody) these few weeks cos of college ady.

Happy things...

Went to Megamall (yes, again. What do u expect? College's near that place and this IS a small and boring place ok?) with Tee after class yesterday. Went around 2.45pm. Both took our own cars cos we were gonna go back at different times.

Bad mistake cos... when we drove nearing our destination, FUCK! the whole place dam jam and packed with slow (if ever) moving cars!!! It's already difficult enough to find a parking space for ONE car but two??? Man...

Went around the area like dam long... finally, after 30 minutes, found a space. Tee parked and hopped into my car to go find my car a space. Lucky I was daring and aggressive enough to cut in between two cars and then not allowing an old aunty that dam ganas keep wanna cut in front of me... cos if I hadn't been smart driving, the fella's who were gonna come out of parking n leave a free parking JUST in front of me would've been taken by Aunty Ganas! Almost 1 hour of going round and round finding parking... it ain't a stroll in the park I tell ya...

What was the happy thing? Oo yea... finally bought a new oil burner thingy! See, about end of last year or beginning of this year, I broke mine. How? I added some water and put few drops of oil and started burning (lavendar oil - to destress) while I got busy doing my assignment. Forgot to keep track of the time and check on the water level every now and then. At midst of doing my assignment, there was a sudden explosion - coming from behind me! I looked back and lying on the floor, broken into pieces, was my little blue glass bowl. le sigh le sigh...

I looked everywhere to find just the bowl... but to no avail. And on Friday... I finally laid eyes on that cute little thing. I went in the safer path now... no more buying glass ones, even though it looks nicer. Ceramic ones are better for blur sotongs like me... kekeke... =) Bargained with the shop lady... Finally could only reduce the price from RM65 to RM58... not much... but better... =/

Used it today! Yeay! Im a very satisfied customer... But din buy any burning oil from her shop though... they are freaking expensive!!! RM14 - 21 for some small bottles. I got my few bottles in KL for RM5 only! Lucky I still got my favorite Lavendar oil to burn... but it's almost finishing... sigh...

O... cut my hand on glass today... throbbing pain... bleeding... ouch! >_<