Unlucky in love...

Have you ever felt so lost? Helpless? I have.

Lung just told me that he has no doubts about us and this relationship. But then he also told me that he is worried that he has no time for me! What the hell does THAT mean? All I told him was, "Then you have to think how much you love me & want this relationship to work. Cos to me, nothing is impossible if you really want something." But that left me in a foul mood!

I know I did the right thing by saying that. Cos as much as I want the relationship to work out between us, the distance is somewhat a torture for us. I don't doubt his feelings for me. I know that he loves me. But I just don't know how MUCH he loves me... whether his love for me is enough for him to be willing to make sacrifices, go through the distance problem that is between us, and make time to come down to see me. I guess this uncertainty left me in my current mood.

But what can I do? Sure, I don't mind going down to be with him over the weekend. But I cannot be the only one making sacrifices and compromising in the whole relationship! There certainly has to be an compromises, give and take from BOTH parties! Isn't there?

With this new situation coming up, it has added a whole new lot of uncertainties into my life. Initially, I had some doubts about letting him stay over at my place whenever he comes down to see me. Why? Cos I'm actually renting a room from this couple who is a friend of my mom's friend. And anyhow, I don't really feel good to let a guy come over to stay, even if he is my boyfriend, when the situation is such that our relationship is not stable/certain yet. I mean, what IF *touch wood!* things din work out after just a few months/weeks (!!!), then down the road, I get another bf and brings him over. Even if we didn't do ANYTHING, what would they think of me? After that, I decided "fuck care! He's my bf!" And then... this fucking situation arose. Sigh...

Just got off the phone with him. I dunno wt else I can do. I dun mind going down to see him every fortnight if I have to. Given the circumstances and his current situation. I know, it will definitely be hectic and tiring for me. But what would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you rather not go down just cos it will be tiring? If your answer is yes, then get out of whatever relationship you're in now, cos it just shows that you dun love that poor poor fella at all! But he doesn't want me to suffer by keep on traveling down to see him. I really dun mind. My only wish is that we can be together and not have to break up cos of this. But I honestly dun wanna keep going to find him only to end up with him telling me he still wants to break up cos of the situation. That would be a total waste of my time & money.
I need his guarantee he wun break up with me cos of that reason then Im more than willing to go down every so often.

It's not easy to find someone whom you love and whom actually loves you back. It took him a long long time of thinking before he decided to confess his love to me. I dun hope for the situation to have to be 'just friends' after what we been through. He's my closest friend, he's my heart's desire. I cant tell this to anyone else... just here.

Sigh... fucked up... I think I have sucky luck in relationship.

Sing k // the BIG 'secret'

Hiya... Im back again! =)

Anyhoo, it's lunchtime now, so Im taking this opportunity off my busy busy work to "release stress" here...

Tomorrow is Friday (TGIF!) so that means another week has passed... What do you guys have planned for the weekend?

As for me, my company is gonna have one of our "famous" gatherings again... at non other than our favorite past time; KARAOKE-ING!!! Yup yup... I swear, I think all of us absofuckinlutely LURVE hearing our own voices! Almost all (okay, I confess... ALL) our gatherings consists of us going for the K-dinner at either Neway or Red Box! LOL... This time round, our K-dinner will be held at Red Box, The Gardens, from 7pm - 12am. Woot~ I predict this event is gonna be madness for us again, just as the farewell (part 2) for our beloved MD, Mr Lim was... FYI, the farewell (pt 2) was also a K-dinner @ Neway, Berjaya Times Square. (Farewell pt 1 was @ La Bodega, Pavilion, farewell pt 3 was lunch @ Overseas Restaurant)

For Sat & Sun, so far no plans yet... my "bro" Kev, will be heading to Kedah today til Sun for business, so that leaves me with no one to "bug" and hang out with... Not sure if Yoong wants to go out for yamcha or dinner or something together... if he does, then can round up Zoey and Lee Ling for that... wonder if Leeyin wants to join in. If she does, then we gotta make it an early thingy cos everyone's so sick of having to send her alllllll the way back to her place cos it's so frickin far away, can? And she doesn't feel the least bit 'malu' to have us send her back... like she feels it's our responsibility to do so! Fark man! Sigh... perhaps we'll just plan an outing without her... anyways, she doesn't speak Canto like the rest of us, so when she goes out with us and we speak in Canto, she ends up sitting there quietly cos she doesn't know how to speak it, and she doesn't seem to understand what we're talking about as well. Kind of a language barrier ain't it?

Dre is having cravings for chicken rice balls and Jonker food & shopping... so we MIGHT be planning a day trip down to Malacca for some lovely indulgence. Seriously, I think I need to lose weight cos I feel like I've been piling on some with my pigging out since CNY! *faints*

So, hopefully that plan will materialise... Im so stressed out that a mini holiday would be nice... =)

Our old friend Pei is gonna come back to Kmn for a while sometime in July, so Lian (and Andy, perhaps) and I will be headed down to Kmn to hang out with her during the weekend... dunno if we'll be taking leave to go down or just for the weekend, though... Lian suggested that we can bunk with Pei @ her home considering her parents wun be around for about 1 week, so we can keep her company... I was thinking more of staying over at Lung's place, considering we're... kinda together? Well, dun get too excited over it just yet cos it's kind of a "trial" period cos we got some issues that needs to be resolved first. That's why we're kinda keeping the relationship to ourselves for now, until we figure out if things can work out. What issues? Well, actually, I dun think it's issueSSS... more like one issue, which is kind of a big one; distance. I dun mind a little distance now and then, but it does create problems, doesn't it? And with that, comes monetary issues cos he's all the way in Kmn (which is about 4 hrs away) and we just calculated that the two-way trip would cost us MYR200/=, PER TRIP! Expensive like mad! If let's say we do 1 trip each per month, every fortnight, it would be 200 buckaroos per month just on traveling to be together for the measly 2-3 days (not incl. food & entertainment), is it worth it? The other alternative would be taking the bus, which of cos would be cheaper, but I kinda hate taking the bus cos Pudu is sooo outta the way so it's inconvenient... and then for me to travel to that ratchet, notorious bus station alone, is soooo unadvisable... that place is bad news, I tell ya! Sigh... See the issue we have? I dunno if it's right for us to be together, cos of this problem... and I guess he's thinking the same thing as well.

Previously when he confessed to me, I kinda freaked out cos we've been friends for so long (since I was 13 and him, 14... so it's 12 yrs up til now!), so can you blame me for being kind of skeptical and terrified? I was worried about our long standing friendship and would it be ruined IF things din work out... I mean, I have always had some feelings for him, since early days of knowing each other (he knew about it but kinda avoided me after finding out, that I had to get Lichin to bluff him that it's not true so he wun avoid me anymore, which he didn't after that.) but I din think there would be any chance that he'd like me. So I ended up being good friends with him, always helped him with his problems, always listening to him and sharing his news... I even stayed up with him all night (by the beach, mind you! Dun get any kinky thoughts!) to listen to the problems with his then-gf and giving opinions and helping him through it. Heck, Jenn, his American ex-gf, even called me and talked to me for few hours after he broke up with her! She was crying and talking at the same time, with her American accent, and I was having THE hardest time trying to understand her and consoling her... and you know the best part? She met Lichin and Lian, but never met me before. So I was kinda surprised that she'd come to me when she and Lung had problems! He said that all these things I did for him, always being there for him has made him see me in a special and different light... so in a way, being nice kinda paid off in the end, didn't it? =P

But of cos, let's not count the eggs before they hatched yet, cos we still got a problem to solve here. Somehow I kinda get the feeling if we cant come to a good solution, we might be gameover... I cant likely expect him to come down KL all the time and me not having to go down to meet him, cos there has to be compromise in a relationship, and besides, he has to run his family business and his own business down there... so it will be unfair to make him keep coming down. And in this recent time, definitely I will have to be the one to go down first, cos his mum just had a bad fall, so he has to be there to take care of her. Sigh...

Here's to Friendship

Back in business, baby!

Ooh... I just realised that my office FINALLY allows us to visit blogger.com!!!
Means (hopefully) that my blog will be up and running... AGAIN!!!

My last posting was like almost 2 yrs ago? Wow wow wow... Im soooo outdated... lol!

Anyhoo, that's all for now... it's time for me to go home!

I'll post something from home if there's anything worth posting... ;)

Toodles~

Manic Depressive

Took this quiz and this sounds EXACTLY like me... I think I need professional help...

I suffer from:

• GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
• OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
• Paranoia
• ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)

What mental disorder do you have? Your Result: Manic Depressive You have extreme cycles of highs and lows. Sometimes you feel like you don't know who you are. One week you could be very hyper and happy and the next week you are slow and depressed.
GAD (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Paranoia
ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)
What mental disorder do you have?

Love or conquest?

A friend told me of a “love” incident of hers that brought me thinking back to the good ol’ days of teenage-hood:

Let me give you a clearer picture of what I’m trying to say here…

Saw someone -----> felt like it was love at first sight -----> do all means of things just to get his/her attention -----> when he/she finally confessed their love/feelings for you -----> you realise that your feelings/love for that person no longer exists!

Then the only feeling that’s left is the satisfaction that you managed to make someone fall in love with you.

Pure victory.

Realisation that it was not love you felt for the person, (or as bad as it sounds) a mere conquest, or game for your own pleasure and excitement.

Ever been in this situation (whether on the giving or receiving end) or something similar thereof? Yes right?

Is this actually the road to discovery of who you are? To find out what you actually want in life/love? Or was it, in fact, not a game/conquest for you, but actually in the midst of the courtship, you saw something in the other person that triggered the realisation that he/she is not right for you?

Only you will know the answer to the above...

But one thing is for sure though; this situation definitely does not only happen during your teenage years...

My friend recently just went through it (after the guy confessed his love for her, she suddenly realised that hers was a conquest and not love towards him after all)

She’s already 23...

Haze/Sick

The haze is really bad...

Made me have fever...

Have scratchy throat that makes me cough...

Have running nose...

It's making my nose block...

Last night I lost my voice...

and instead, I now got this sexy, rough voice... (LoL!)

After the visit to the doc's

Went to the doc's during lunchtime... super packed in there... took me more than 1 hour to see the doc.... she said that I have severe throat infection (cos it is more than 1 week already) and that was what caused my ear to feel as if my eardrum is about to pop... apparently, it's the nerve that connects my throat to my ear that is pulling cos of the infection, and the pulling is close to the ear, that's why I thought that it was in my ears... Then she said she would prescribe me some antibiotics to take for the infection. Then I told her I had some green discharge coming out of my eyeballs and it causes me to get blurry vision, so she said she'll prescribe me with some eyedrops... then I went out to the waiting room to wait for my medicine...

15 minutes later, as I was standing at the counter of the clinic, I was looking throught my medicine of two packets of runny nose pills (for day and night each), cough syrup (which Im not gonna drink... gonna take my "pei pa gou" better) and my eyedrops.... noticed something? Yup... the "smart" doctor did not give me the antibiotics!!! How weird was that?!! How to become doctor larr.... ish... Nothing to say...

~~~~~@~~~~~@~~~~~@~~~~~@~~~~~@~~~~~@~~~~~

Anyhoo...

After ten thousand years of insisting, finally bought a tv and a PS2 yesterday!!! Went crazy fixing it up and finally had a PS2 marathon! LoL!!!! Cant wait to go back home and continue the marathon again... whooppeeeedoooodaaaa!!!!!

My favourite games: Samurai Warriors, Dynasty Warriors... lol...

Bought Fatal Frame as well... but quite the scared to play... kekeke

I also bought Kingdom Hearts (the one with Sora and the cast of Disney wan) so can continue the last time I played halfway.... later on gonna buy another one that I played halfway, Shadow Hearts

Ooh, also bought Devil May Cry 3... I love the graphics man... superbly created...

What other games do you recommend?

Before I go to the doctor's

Hiya...

Just wanna blog a while before I go to the doctor's to see about my "throat" thingy... I'm worried it might turn out to be ENT (Ear, Nose & Throat) so better go have a confirmed and professional opinion first before I go to the ENT specialist.

This rachet thing has been here for more than 1 week now along with fever 2 weeks ago... It's really weird... it's not sore throat, but my throat is... sore =__=||| I know I know... you still think it's sore throat... but it's not... cos the doctor gave me sore throat and cough medicine last week... took it for a few days, and the thing got worse!

So anyways, the feeling inside my mouth and at my throat is something like the nerves there are pulling... and at my throat, each time I breathe in and out, it's like something is scratching on the walls of my throat, making it really itchy and I will cough like a dying old lady...

The "throat" thingy got so bad, that it has affected my ears... this is the 3rd day now... whenever I swallow, it feels as though my eardrums are about to pop... it hurts hurts hurts!!!!

I seriously dono what's wrong... my mum got so worried she insisted I go straight to the ENT specialist! But I say, go to the general doc first... get their opinion first before dumping the big moolah on some specialist only to find that it's nothing major... agreed?

Anyways... I'll be off to the doctor's now! Will update you on what happened at the docs...

Laterz~

做人怎么這么難呢？

感叹女人:

漂亮的不下厨房

下厨房的不温柔

会温柔的没主见

有主见的没女人味

有女人味的乱花钱

不乱花钱的不时尚

时尚的不放心

放心的没法看

感叹男人：

有才华的长得丑

长得帅的挣钱少

挣钱多的不顾家

顾了家的没出息

有出息的不浪漫

会浪漫的靠不住

靠得住的又窝囊

『感激不盡』與『視而不見』

陌生人請一碗麵，我都那麼感激，
而我媽一個人辛苦地養我，
煮了二十多年的麵和飯給我吃，

我怎麼沒有感激她呢？別人給予一點小惠，

你就

「感激不盡」，

卻對親人，

父母的一輩子恩情

「視而不見」！

那晚，佳芬跟媽媽吵架之後，
什麼都沒帶，就隻身往外跑。
可是，走了一段路，
佳芬發現，她身上竟然一毛都沒帶，
連打電話銅板也沒有！
她走著走著肚子餓了，
看到前面有個麵攤，香噴噴的，
好想吃！可是，她沒錢！
過一陣子後，
麵攤老闆看到佳芬還站在那邊，
久久沒離去，就問：

「小姐，請問妳是不是要吃麵？」

「可是．．．可是我忘了帶錢．．」

佳芬不好意思地回答。
麵攤老闆熱心地說：

「沒關係，我可以請妳吃ㄚ！」
「來，我下碗餛飩麵給妳吃！」
不久，老闆端來麵和一些小菜。
佳芬吃了幾口，竟然掉下眼淚來。

「小姐，妳怎麼ㄌㄚ？」

老闆問。
「沒有ㄌㄚ，我只是很感激！」
佳芬擦著淚水，對老闆說道：

「你是陌生人，我們又不認識，
　只不過在路上看到我，
就對我這麼好，願意煮麵給我吃！
可是..我自己的媽媽，
　我跟她吵架，
她竟然把我趕出來，
　還叫我不要再回去！」

「你是陌生人都能對我這麼好，
而我自己的媽媽，
　竟然對我這麼絕情！」
老闆聽了，委婉地說道：

「小姐ㄚ，妳這麼會這樣想呢！
妳想想看，我只不過煮一碗麵給妳吃，
　妳就這麼感激我，
妳媽媽煮了十多年的麵和飯給妳吃，
妳怎麼不會感激她呢？
　妳怎麼還要跟她吵架?」

佳芬一聽，整個人楞住了！是ㄚ！
陌生人的一碗麵，我都那麼感激，
而我媽一個人辛苦地養我，
也煮了二十多年的麵和飯給我吃，
我怎麼沒有感激她呢？
而且，只為了小小的事，
就和媽媽大吵一架。
匆匆吃完麵後，佳芬鼓起勇氣，
往家的方向走，
她好想真心地對媽說：

「媽，對不起，我錯了！」
當佳芬走到家巷口時，
看到疲憊、著急的母親，
已經在四處地張望 ........
看到佳芬時，
媽媽就先開口說：

「阿芬ㄚ，趕快回家吧！
　我飯都已經煮好，
　妳再不趕快回來吃，菜都涼了！」
此時，佳芬的眼淚，
又不爭氣地掉了下來！。
有時候，
我們會對別人給予小惠

「感激不盡」，
卻對親人，父母的一輩子恩情

「視而不見」！
如果您收到別人分享給您的好文章，不要吝嗇，
您也可以繼續分享給好友，請別忘我這一份喔。

Thank God It's Friday...

Hoo hoo hoo...

Wassup wassup? Im so freakin bored here in office... but lucky it's already a Freakin Friday! Yippie Doo Da Day!!!

Calmly waiting for 5.40pm to come so I can head off to Pyramid to meet up with my old hostel mateys for din din... Been a long time since I met them... Miss you guys so much Chingz, Nee & Tyng!!! *HugZ* (Chingz & Tyng, I'll pick you guys up once I wade through the jam from my workplace to your hostel ya? Sorry if I'm a bit late... will be preeetttty jam today)

Anyways, as usual... supposed to be doing work but not... instead, Im here writing in my bloggie and entertaining myself *no pun intended*. LoL!!!

Oh yea... I went to MNG @ The Curve, Damansara on Tuesday after work cos there was sales... wanted to find the yellow shirt that I love so much but it wasn't there... either it's not on sales, or it's sold out EVERYWHERE!!!! @___@

Anyways, the trip there wasn't too big a disapointment as I finally found a pair of skinny jeans that is super gorgeous! Still cant believe I can actually wear UK size 4 (XS) for bottoms now!!! *Does mini celebration for me* Cant wait to wear it out!!! But it's kinda loose at my waist and tight at my thighs lerr... how ar? What diet or exercise can make me tone and maintain my waist but make my butt and thighs slimmer and toner??? Anyone has good advice on that?

Got such thing wan mer???

Blog - back from the dead!

My blog is alive and kicking again!!! Woo hoo!!!

Actually... I really dono what to say...

Im in my office now, blogging when I should be working... but it's not lunchtime and what's a gal to do when she has that teeny tiny bit of freedom to herself?

My office sux... a lot of websites are blocked by them... this includes Friendster, uTube, some entertainment websites, MSN messenger AND gmail!!!! Yes, as in the whole http://gmail.google.com/ site!!!! WTF man!!! They really expect us not to have a life and give ourselves a little bit of free time to do our own thing... I think they will soon block access to blogspot as well... Sigh... My friend, Shi's office can view EVERYTHING!!!! So jealous....

Anyways, MNG having sales now... gonna go to The Curve and find the yellow top I've been dying to buy... the MNG in Mid Valley din sell it... I went on Fri... so today after work, I will go hunt for it in The Curve's MNG.... cant believe they closed down the MNG in 1U... that is just so mean!!!! *sob* Hope my salary is out by today so I can shop shop shop... practically broke from paying off all my commitments now... sigh...

My company robbed us off 2 days work... our salary usually comes out on the 23rd of every month... but this month 23rd falls on a Saturday, so I thought "Nvm... Monday go check, should have banked in our money d!" Mana tau! Last night I went and check... TAK ADA!!! Never bank in to us!!!! Cis bedebah punya company...

Also, they say now calculating bonus and increments... dono if I will get either or both of those good thingies or not... Hope can get la... my pay is super chicken feed now wei.... can barely survive... *Poor Me*

Wonder if anyone still visits my blog or not... seeing that it's been almost 1 yr since I actually wrote anything... lol...

Tips about me...

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Lynn!

1. You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching Lynn.
2. Lynn was banned from Finland because of not wearing pants!
3. Lynn can sleep for three and a half years!
4. The smelly fluid secreted by skunks is colloquially known as Lynn!
5. There is actually no danger in swimming right after you eat Lynn, though it may feel uncomfortable.
6. Lynn became extinct in England in 1486.
7. According to the story, Pinocchio was made of Lynn!
8. Lynn is the only king without a moustache on the standard pack of cards.
9. American Airlines saved forty thousand dollars a year by eliminating Lynn from each salad served in first class!
10. Humans have 46 chromosomes, peas have 14, and Lynn has 7!

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

This is dam funny... try it... see what's ur answer... kakaka...

Damnit... I wrote a dam long post just now can? Even had a tiny joke in it. Then I smartly go and close that window. Stupiak stupiak idiotic me... sigh... whyyyy....~~~

Anyways, lazy to type the whole thingy again... so I will just summarise it:

° Just came back from KL few hours ago.

° Got a job at Glomac Business Centre, Kelana Jaya (Industrial Placement). Will start on the 25th this month. Will most probably stay nearby there for convenience of going to and from work. Anyone who wanna find me for sing k, yamcha, movies, shopping, etc... can call me out. But must fetch me cos I got no car...

° Also bought a pair of Levi's at KL. 593 Range (Super low bootcut) <-- the one with 2 buttons and no flyers. Love this range. It's sexy and fits me like it's custom made for me. Finally a pair of pants that fits me well, instead of looking as if I'm wearing someone else's jeans. Haven't tried the new range, the Diva range or something like that. I actually liked the Marissa one. But when I tried it, it din look too good on me. Made my bottom half look cacated. Think I'll try the Eve one when I got the chance. If fits nicely and looks good, I'll probably purchase. I love Levi's jeans.

° Should not look for social clothes ady rite? Must look and buy more working attires already, since now gonna start my career life. Dang... must wear "decent" (read: BORING) clothes and not able to wear my "special" clothes ady.

Sigh sigh sigh...

Just for fun... This is me...

B4 make-up

After make-up

So which is better???

KL, here I come...

Phew... just got back from KL a few hours ago... Went down for Holiday cum Industrial Placement Job Interview... that went pretty well actually... I got the job right on the spot... the General Manager, Felicia (my soon-to-be boss) was pretty nice and we had a nice interview/talk... which is pretty miraculous because I always have been nervous and will turn spastic when put on the spot like in interviews or giving presentations. Actually, I think the reason why I did well in that interview is cos I din actually realise that it was an interview until my friend told me otherwise. It was dam funny...

I told my friend, K about the interview. I was like...

Me: I tell u ar, Felicia was so nice that day. She din interview me also... we just talked and talked for like 20 minutes or so, and then she said, "Okay, Im comfortable with you. When can you start work?"

K: Really? No interview? What did you guys talk about then?

Me: We just talked only. She just looked at my resume and then asked a few questions... wait wait wait... THAT'S what an interview is like, isn't it?

K: *laughs* Yea!

Me: ..... *felt like an ass*

How dumb was I? LoL... But at least I din feel nervous when I thought it din seem like an interview... so, probably that's the best way to adopt situation everytime Im stuck in these kinda entanglement, aye? Heh...

Anyways, I will be starting work on the 25th, at Glomac Business Centre, Kelana Jaya. Most probably be staying somewhere nearby also for the convenience of going to and from work. So any of u ppl wanna find me, can do so... but I have no car la... hehehe...

* * * * *

Ooh... and I also got a new pair of jeans from Levi's... I mean, it's not from the newest collection... I haven't actually tried that range yet... but I've had my eyes set on this pair... it's pretty rugged. Faded blue jeans. Series 593 (Super super low cut). I love this series as it's sexy, and it fits me so nicely. Finally own a pair of jeans that looks like it's custom made for me and not as if Im wearing someone else's clothes. *beams widely*

Next, I'll try the Diva range. If any fits, will hope to get it too... teehee... Actually, I should focus more on finding and buying office wears nowadays rather than casual wears. Dang... I'll be turning into a boring old socks... boo hoo hoo... no more wearing casuals and special lookin clothings dy... unless on weekends when Im not working... but I know that by then, u will still be wearing the decent (read: BORING) looking clothes more than ur special clothes cos ur closet will be overflowing with those. Cos u'd wanna buy clothes that has multi-purpose, like can wear to work and for outings, rather than those that have "not fit for work" label on it.

Okay... I'm officially blabbing away... Just feel kinda excited and nervous... and kinda sad also... but anyhoo... a new beginning for a new me... Yippee!!!

Gonna grad soooooon!!!

Woo hoo... finished my exams... my last and final paper!!! Woo hooo!!!!

Well, actually I finished my exams last week le... now only blog about it... a bit slow reaction, I know... sorree la... kekeke...

I just came back to my home this evening actually... spent the time in Kuantan with my friends and my baby boy before coming back...

... also, last night, I joined a fashion show for the very first time! Not the type that is just for the college or dinners... but the type that is actually right smack in the middle of a shopping mall where the whole wide world is there to see you... it was damn scary and I was so nervous...

that was supposed to be the night of my life... but it was also the saddest night too... baby din show up for my "walk"!

He kept asking me for the whole week, "what time is your show? what time is your show?" and I kept telling him, "8 pm, 8 pm, 8 pm!" Tell so many times ady, you'd think he'd remember, he'd get it through his thick skull to be there BY EIGHT PM!!! Right? WRONG!

What does he do??? I'll tell you... He had the nerve to go out for dinner at fucking 7.30pm with his FRIENDS. I was on stage walking, dam nervous and kept looking for his face, to assure me that I'm doing great and that he's with my all the time... and what does he do? He doesn't fucking show up!

When the show ended at 8.45pm, I thought maybe I just din see him there, but he's somewhere out there looking at me... so I called him... turns out... HE WAS JUST ON THE WAY OVER!!! I was fucking steaming ady... I was so angry, so pissed off and so disappointed in him... this isn't the first time he did something like that to me... in fact, I cannot remember how many times he treated me like that... I just cried on the spot, right in the middle of the mall...

And as if it wasn't enough, he asked me to go out with my friends and only look for him when I wanna see him!! WTF!?? You make me mad and when I told u not to look for me, you actually dun even bother to look for me, talk to me like you din do anything wrong and all those shite?!!
Am I even worth anything to you? What do you take me as? How important am I to you?

It makes me think, juggle with the thought of whether we should carry on being together... cos when all I do is put him first, he seems to put me last... when he can treat me like a princess during our first few months together... doing little stuff and romantic gestures for me without me asking for them... and now, he just does stuff like that to me to make me feel unloved and neglected...

Even HE himself verbally voiced out that he has not been treating me the same as when we first got together! He said himself that he has not been giving me the attention I deserved. Unlike before. And also, he keeps mentioning "rethinking our relationship" and "break up" everytime we fight or argue when he promised me that he would be with me no matter what, would not even think of breaking up with me and leaving me and that he does not wanna be without me... And after all that, this is what he gives me...

How can I carry on with him as if nothing happened when this reality is starting to take over the wonderful time we spent together... what happens to all the stuff I gave up and did just for him? Does it all mean nothing?

I am so lost now... it really hurts... it breaks my heart to be treated like that... I thought he knew better... I thought he was different than the others... but I guess I was wrong...

How do you mend this hole in my heart? Why do I love him so much?

August update...

In the month of August...

~ will be my last month studying in college (for the time being...), after which I will start finding for a firm to do my practical... and then flee down to KL to start my working life.

~ my lovely cousin, Yee Teng just gave birth to a healthy little girl (14/08/06). Have yet to see the mother and child but hopefully will do it soon! Another addition to our family, just 4 months after my other cousin-in-law (YT's big bro's wife), Linda had her baby son. ^^

~ just had a nice Orientation Night. Was much much MUCH better than the one we had last year... This year's was held in Hyatt Hotel, at TC. The food was better, the performances were better and the crowd was more enthusiastic and "alive"!

~ will be my 6-month anniversary with my baby... we have had lots and lots of arguments and misunderstandings and god knows what kinda hell we've been through in the past half year... but there are tons of great, romantic, wonderful things that keeps the love alive and makes us stick around for more... we are not perfect but we are learning... XOXO

I totally suck at putting up pics in this blog of mine... I dono why it just comes out darn "k yeng" lorr... but I will still do it... some of which upon request of dearest Audz... Love u tons gal... Hugz

Birthday Reminder...for me!!! N other stuff

Im sick...

Sick Sick Sick...

Caught the flu, sorethroat and cough bug... sigh... feels like a long long time since I had junk food and fast foods... and fried food... and spicy food... blablabla... all cos of that stupid bug "torturing" me...

SoBBieS...

Watchin World Cup cum onlining now... IMO, football matches are NOT to be watched fully... if you dont wanna die of boredom.

Anyways, just felt bored and nothing to do... plus, cant sleep... so what the hey, just online and update my blog... IF people still reads my blog... LoL...

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Next weekend, will be going back to Segamat... will be back there to pray for my grandad in memorial of him (3rd Year). I dunno what it's all about and how it's gonna be actually... Christian who burns joss sticks... LoL... Just follow what they do... >.<

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Anyhoo, the weekend after this, will be MY BIRTHDAY!!! Exact Date : 24th July. So all you peeps out there, make sure to remember this date, sms, call, testi me to wish me HAPPY BIRTHDAY on that joyous day... and even better, GET ME SOME LOVELY GIFTS!!! I looooooooovvve getting prezzies!!! Hehehe...

Im thinking of heading down to KL, with the options:

- go clubbing wif a few friends on Saturday nite

- get a hotel room, gather a few friends, get booze, snax, cakes, and all stuff and celebrate

- get few close friends, wine and dine at some fancy restaurant

If cant make it to KL, probably:

- head up to Genting, with option written above in #2

- stay back in Kuantan, have a romantic dinner for 2 with my baby boy and then go to Swing to celebrate


Well, that's about so far what I can think... KL option is more interesting... at least I'll get to see my beloved friends back in KL whom I miss sooooooo much!!! But budget's making hell for me... as usual... sigh...

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Crap... I need to make a day trip down to KL in these few days to head to my old uni (Sunway)... need to get my LAN subject result ASAP so I can make an exemption... or else I need to pay and take the subject... Hope they still keep records of my results... almost 4 yrs back... *keeps fingers crossed*

DOTA // Shoutouts for you

I have recently developed a suddent interest in DOTA-ing. Alright, call me a slow developer, a late bloomer, but as the saying goes, "Better Late than Never".

I guess it's because my boo likes the game and he would never wanna run off to DOTA with his friends and leave me alone, or at home. Even if I sometimes ask him to run along with his friends to the CC to play a few battles of DOTA, he'd say no and that he'd rather spend all his time with me instead. With such a sweet gesture from him, it made me feel like giving him something back. So the first few times were merely just to accompany him to play with his friends but after a while, I started to get the hang of it and also found my favourite "hero", Traxex the Drow Ranger (DOTA players will know who I mean).

So nowadays, if there's enough players with my boo's friends, we would join them for a few rounds. But if there are no players, we would just battle the computers, just to improve ourselves.

Anyways, this game is getting more common for girls to play... so, do try this yea? You'll get the hang of it... =)


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For those who is concerned about me, my wisdom tooth is still killing me!!!

For Audrey, I miss you dam lotz wei... Do inform me whenever you come back to KL yea??? I don't care edi... the last time you were down, we couldn't meet cos of my stupid finals... but dun worry, after my finals and practical, I will be down in KL to start my working life edi... so by that time, anytime you back in KL, anytime also can meet... can go for drinks, meals, shopping... and RED BOX!!! hahaha~

P.S. I also love you as much as before, Audz! Wahahaha... Even though we are oceans apart, but our friendship is still as solid as before... and growing stronger! =) *huggggzz*

Pain pain pain

Pain. Excruciating pain.

Source of pain - right smack at the back of my mouth, where my wisdom tooth is. Oh no... it's not only that part that's painful... the pain there is making the nerves on my HEAD pound so badly...

Not the growth of my wisdom tooth this time that's causing the pain... it's the gum around it that has got swollen and somehow found their way to cover the whole of my tooth, thus, causing difficulty to bite, talk or even close my mouth! Even the walls of inside my mouth is swollen... you can actually see that my face isn't symmetrical at the cheeks anymore due to the swelling. FcuK!

One week. ONE WHOLE FCUKING WEEK OF ENDLESS PAIN!!!

The dentist din dare to extract my wisdom tooth for me just yet. He checked and found that it is badly infected, so he suggested I take his medications and wait for the swelling and pain to subside before going for extraction.

Medication : Antibiotics + Paracetamol (a.k.a. painkillers) + Mouth gargle = RM55

What the fcuk!??!

That's super expensive Panadols and mouth gargle rite? I feel like I was robbed man...

Anyways... this is a complaining blog entry... hahaha...

P.S. I miss shopping... I miss buying buying buying... I miss my old life... back in KL... I miss my friends...

Margie, Wern Nee, Audrey, Suk Ching, Tommy, Siew Chin, Wei Yin, Kenneth... I miss you guys!!! (Others, if I din mention you, I prolly forgot... or something... wakaka~)

*** Please Dun Forget Me... Always and Forever, FRIENDS!!!