So shitty....

Unease. Depressed. That's how I'm feeling now. My heart's restless. Feeling like there's a huge rock on it. Why am I feeling like that? How, When did this happen? Vaguely, I know when. It all started yesterday evening when I found out an ex of mine has a new girlfriend. He has found someone else. But I wanna know why. We've broken up for months and have been able to go out or have conversations greatly. We even went for movies and also for meals with his parents. A few months back, a mutual friend of ours even asked me, "If HE asked you back, would you go back to him?" Her question made me think. I admit, I do still have feelings for him. This isn't something that can vanish so fast. Part of me still wanna go back to him if he would still have me cos I still love him and our time together had been nothing but great. But another part of me, the rational part of me, advised me against it cos up til the time he broke off with me, he made me realised that I was the substitute for his first ex. I was petrified to be hurt again. This is what I feel and I told the mutual friend. That was months ago. I never pondered over him and the possibility of "us" anymore after that. I did not allow myself to do so. Cos everytime I do, I end up sad and wishing for us to be back together again. This is the highway to hell and I forbid myself to go there. But yesterday, I sms-ed him to wish him belated birthday and we got to talking. When he told me he found someone else, my heart sank. I thought I was over him... I THOUGHT. I guess I'm not. I feel bothered. Very. Very bothered. Bad. This is very bad.

Stuck in a rut...

Im bored... Im fucking bored... Im so fucking bored that Im actually blogging about being bored... hah! Well, anyways, I figured I might as well go onto blogging since its been so long since I actually properly blogged something... even though I have done absofuckinglutely nothing amazing or worth blogging about... So if you fall asleep reading my entry... dun say I din warn ya! =P Hmm... lessee... Got to have Pizza Hut for FREE! Well, free for me & my friend, Audrey that is... HAHAHA! Drey called me out to have dinner... apparently cum to meet up with her friend and her friend's friend (embarassingly enough, I forgot their names just right after they introduced themselves... whoopsee! My bad... >_< ) Drey's friend is dam 9 talkative... pretty funny too... his friend's kinda quiet though... din talk much the whole time... N OMG... this is the 1st time I ever seen so much order in my life of eating pizza! I swear I think I gained like 2kgs from that dinner! Oo... some tennis tournament's gonna be held at our tennis court starting tomorrow... not sure til when though... It's a Junior tournament, which means it'll be "little kids playing" (yes, I admit, Im old). Gonna go check it out... promised Drey I'd go (her li'l bro's playing) and she also said all our ex tennis player friends will be there too... It'd be good to catch up on old times I guess... Brings back the memories of old times playing the game... joining every tournament possible... winning trophies and getting my name in the papers... Those were the days... Would've still been playing the game if its not for spraining my stupid ankle 3 THREE times! #%^&* + *&^%$ Oh wow... going to the tennis court... gonna get pretty dark soon... considering how strong the sun in east coast is... I tell ya, the sun over here tans you up pretty quick just cos we're located along the borderline with the beach... *rolls eyes* Im glad I get fair pretty quickly... What else... hmm... Oh yea... Going back to my hometown AGAIN this coming probably Thursday or Friday (not tomorrow, as in the coming weekend)... Dad's company's holding a seminar in Singapore for 5 days (11th - 15th) and asked my mum along (if not only for sharing the drive down with him) so I'll be staying back in either my grandma's or at my aunt's place. Whoopee! I love my hometown... ever since I was young, getting to go back to my hometown and being there was my happiest time... I even remember crying everytime we had to go back home (which leaves my uncle still teasing me about it til now... I WAS young u know... =P) And I also remember getting to stay back there for a whole 2 months after SPM instead of coming back boring east coast... I had nothing to do there actually... but I still LOVED Segamat... And now, with HIM over there and me going back meant I get to see him... All the more I love that place! Double Whoopee!!!~ And then the week after that, will be heading down to KL for my 21st birthday party with him, my cousins and my KL friends whom I missed so dearly! Gonna go catch up with them as soon as I set foot in KL... I miss my busy, happening life as a KL-lite... =/ Still so not used to this small town life... le sigh... Anyhoo... still got lotsa things to get ready for my birthday bash n the KL trip... haven really got everything together... Haven called everyone to inform them of the event and get their confirmation on going or not... Cousin haven helped me check out hotel rooms and get back to me... AND have to call up Collin in the next few weeks to try and help me with the club booking... I just hope everything will be done in time... and the people I invite DO actually turn up instead of giving me last minute news that they cant make it like last year... well, let's not go into sad places now, shall we? *think happy thoughts... pink cotton candy... fuzzy teddy bears... ponies...* ahh.... I guess that's all the update for now... will update soon... I hope... Til then, happy happy people! U know I love ya'll! Muakssss!~