So shitty....

Unease. Depressed. That's how I'm feeling now. My heart's restless. Feeling like there's a huge rock on it. Why am I feeling like that? How, When did this happen? Vaguely, I know when. It all started yesterday evening when I found out an ex of mine has a new girlfriend. He has found someone else. But I wanna know why. We've broken up for months and have been able to go out or have conversations greatly. We even went for movies and also for meals with his parents. A few months back, a mutual friend of ours even asked me, "If HE asked you back, would you go back to him?" Her question made me think. I admit, I do still have feelings for him. This isn't something that can vanish so fast. Part of me still wanna go back to him if he would still have me cos I still love him and our time together had been nothing but great. But another part of me, the rational part of me, advised me against it cos up til the time he broke off with me, he made me realised that I was the substitute for his first ex. I was petrified to be hurt again. This is what I feel and I told the mutual friend. That was months ago. I never pondered over him and the possibility of "us" anymore after that. I did not allow myself to do so. Cos everytime I do, I end up sad and wishing for us to be back together again. This is the highway to hell and I forbid myself to go there. But yesterday, I sms-ed him to wish him belated birthday and we got to talking. When he told me he found someone else, my heart sank. I thought I was over him... I THOUGHT. I guess I'm not. I feel bothered. Very. Very bothered. Bad. This is very bad.