Unlucky in love...
Have you ever felt so lost? Helpless? I have.
Lung just told me that he has no doubts about us and this relationship. But then he also told me that he is worried that he has no time for me! What the hell does THAT mean? All I told him was, "Then you have to think how much you love me & want this relationship to work. Cos to me, nothing is impossible if you really want something." But that left me in a foul mood!
I know I did the right thing by saying that. Cos as much as I want the relationship to work out between us, the distance is somewhat a torture for us. I don't doubt his feelings for me. I know that he loves me. But I just don't know how MUCH he loves me... whether his love for me is enough for him to be willing to make sacrifices, go through the distance problem that is between us, and make time to come down to see me. I guess this uncertainty left me in my current mood.
But what can I do? Sure, I don't mind going down to be with him over the weekend. But I cannot be the only one making sacrifices and compromising in the whole relationship! There certainly has to be an compromises, give and take from BOTH parties! Isn't there?
With this new situation coming up, it has added a whole new lot of uncertainties into my life. Initially, I had some doubts about letting him stay over at my place whenever he comes down to see me. Why? Cos I'm actually renting a room from this couple who is a friend of my mom's friend. And anyhow, I don't really feel good to let a guy come over to stay, even if he is my boyfriend, when the situation is such that our relationship is not stable/certain yet. I mean, what IF *touch wood!* things din work out after just a few months/weeks (!!!), then down the road, I get another bf and brings him over. Even if we didn't do ANYTHING, what would they think of me? After that, I decided "fuck care! He's my bf!" And then... this fucking situation arose. Sigh...
Just got off the phone with him. I dunno wt else I can do. I dun mind going down to see him every fortnight if I have to. Given the circumstances and his current situation. I know, it will definitely be hectic and tiring for me. But what would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you rather not go down just cos it will be tiring? If your answer is yes, then get out of whatever relationship you're in now, cos it just shows that you dun love that poor poor fella at all! But he doesn't want me to suffer by keep on traveling down to see him. I really dun mind. My only wish is that we can be together and not have to break up cos of this. But I honestly dun wanna keep going to find him only to end up with him telling me he still wants to break up cos of the situation. That would be a total waste of my time & money.
I need his guarantee he wun break up with me cos of that reason then Im more than willing to go down every so often.
It's not easy to find someone whom you love and whom actually loves you back. It took him a long long time of thinking before he decided to confess his love to me. I dun hope for the situation to have to be 'just friends' after what we been through. He's my closest friend, he's my heart's desire. I cant tell this to anyone else... just here.
Sigh... fucked up... I think I have sucky luck in relationship.
Lung just told me that he has no doubts about us and this relationship. But then he also told me that he is worried that he has no time for me! What the hell does THAT mean? All I told him was, "Then you have to think how much you love me & want this relationship to work. Cos to me, nothing is impossible if you really want something." But that left me in a foul mood!
I know I did the right thing by saying that. Cos as much as I want the relationship to work out between us, the distance is somewhat a torture for us. I don't doubt his feelings for me. I know that he loves me. But I just don't know how MUCH he loves me... whether his love for me is enough for him to be willing to make sacrifices, go through the distance problem that is between us, and make time to come down to see me. I guess this uncertainty left me in my current mood.
But what can I do? Sure, I don't mind going down to be with him over the weekend. But I cannot be the only one making sacrifices and compromising in the whole relationship! There certainly has to be an compromises, give and take from BOTH parties! Isn't there?
With this new situation coming up, it has added a whole new lot of uncertainties into my life. Initially, I had some doubts about letting him stay over at my place whenever he comes down to see me. Why? Cos I'm actually renting a room from this couple who is a friend of my mom's friend. And anyhow, I don't really feel good to let a guy come over to stay, even if he is my boyfriend, when the situation is such that our relationship is not stable/certain yet. I mean, what IF *touch wood!* things din work out after just a few months/weeks (!!!), then down the road, I get another bf and brings him over. Even if we didn't do ANYTHING, what would they think of me? After that, I decided "fuck care! He's my bf!" And then... this fucking situation arose. Sigh...
Just got off the phone with him. I dunno wt else I can do. I dun mind going down to see him every fortnight if I have to. Given the circumstances and his current situation. I know, it will definitely be hectic and tiring for me. But what would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you rather not go down just cos it will be tiring? If your answer is yes, then get out of whatever relationship you're in now, cos it just shows that you dun love that poor poor fella at all! But he doesn't want me to suffer by keep on traveling down to see him. I really dun mind. My only wish is that we can be together and not have to break up cos of this. But I honestly dun wanna keep going to find him only to end up with him telling me he still wants to break up cos of the situation. That would be a total waste of my time & money.
I need his guarantee he wun break up with me cos of that reason then Im more than willing to go down every so often.
It's not easy to find someone whom you love and whom actually loves you back. It took him a long long time of thinking before he decided to confess his love to me. I dun hope for the situation to have to be 'just friends' after what we been through. He's my closest friend, he's my heart's desire. I cant tell this to anyone else... just here.
Sigh... fucked up... I think I have sucky luck in relationship.
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