Depression. Stressed. Blah!

In my college's computer lab now, lepaking. Trying to decide whether to head back after this or to stay back a while longer to do some more research on my assignments... I already finished ONE of my overflowing assignments for this semester, btw...

ONE DOWN, SIX MORE TO GO!!! le sigh... >_<

Anyways, I think my depression is kinda coming back to haunt me again... and I dunno what to do... I'm stressed out all the time, restless, mood swings are always around... and I dunno what is actually causing it this time... could it be because of the of overflowing amount of assignments which incidently have datelines which are almost in the same week??? Possibly.

Or maybe it's just the way I am... always absolutely must torture myself and suffer cos I dun feel that I deserve to be happy and problem free. I'm a nut...

Whatever the reason is, does it really matter? I dono. I dun seem to be sure about anything anymore... Let's just see after I finish all my assignments... But by then, it'll be almost time for my final exams... then more stress will come in and depression will be even greater!!! ARGGGGHHH!~ help!

~~~~~~

F called last night. Got me pretty pissed off. Again.

We kinda agreed on holding things off and taking things slow for now and only deal with it after Im back in KL for sure. (note: this is more of his decision to do so as he feels that his job will take up most of his time and therefore have a chance it might jeopardize us if we ever got together now. And Im not too ready or keen to start something when the two parties are not 100% sure and all)

But last night, he asked if I wanted to get together for real. I suspected something but din exactly say it out. (My suspicion is very simple... you will see later on cos...)

After some twists and turns and asking... he finally confirmed my suspicion about his intentions and what he was doing was right.

He merely asked me that question out of his own selfishness. He knew he still wasn't able to juggle and divide time well enough between his work and a relationship and thus will create problems for us... but he still went ahead and asked anyways. Why?

Ever since he found out Gav drove all the way to Kuantan from KL just to see me and spend time with me (as well as go to my college's Orientation Night with me), he has been acting not like himself. How? In the sense that he's been treating me better and giving me more attention.

F finally confessed that he just wanted to test me, to see what I feel and how I would react. He merely wanted to find out what position he is in... whether things has/will change!!! WTF!

I really dun feel good... this totally sucks, being put in this kinda position and all... I feel so worthless and stupid, F!!! You, of all people, should KNOW not to do this kinda thing to me! You should know better! No matter what... this should not be how you handle things ok! I hope you get it and not do this to me for THE THIRD TIME!

I was very forgiving the first time. I dun appreciate it the second time. If there comes a third... Im pretty sure you know the consequences, F! Dun say I din warn you...

*** All is Fair in Love and War ***

Get it?

Orientation Night & post-OR

Hey peeps!!!

I'm back~~~ LoL... =)

Anyways, been long since I posted... I know... I was pretty darn busy with the Orientation Night thingy and Gav extended his stay here... Will update on what happened the past few days...

22/09/05 (Thursday) - After OR full rehearsal @ coll... Sis fetched me so she can follow her colleague in his car to KL for seminar and Annual Dinner, then I will have my car back again *aaahhhh* Then... went to Megamall with Tee to get a white top (for our opening dance) and have dinner. During dinner, Tiger came over to find us (& to do last minute shopping for his clothes for OR - we last minute ppl! kakaka~ )

Anywayz... It was raining pretty heavily, but was pretty late so we all wanted to go back (and I had to book a room for Gav before going back). Was pretty hard to book one, cos got some sports event or something going on in Ktn this weekend, so most hotels were already fully booked!!! *&amp;^%$&%*&% AND...

... my beloved car was already on the verge of KO-ing... Tiger said it was probably the car battery konk-ing out ady!!! But still had to go around lookin for room... Got to book a room for Friday night after going to the 4th hotel in my "dying" car *phew!*

[7.45pm] Stopped @ college a while before heading back... By that time, car was in pretty bad shape. Din dare to off engine at all. Headlight was fainting, signal was either blinking veeeerrrryyyyy sloooowwwwlyyyyy or not blinking at all!!! Tiger went into college to get Zaki, and they both asked me to drive home slowly without air-cond or radio on. Just headlights. So I did.

I reached the 1st traffic light and put to "N". But as the light turn green, I happened to look down when I put to "D" and noticed that the gear box is not lighted anymore! Not only that, it was drizzling so I put my wiper on and it got stuck halfway!!! My petrol (which was 3/4) needle was close to "E"!!! I started to panic so quickly called Tiger. There was a junction before a traffic light (and Shell station) and he asked me to wait there for him. It was lucky that road was well lit and no car was following too near behind me, cos by then, I realised my headlights were no longer working and my signal is nonexistent! Turned in, kept my engine on while waiting for Tiger ad Zaki to come to my rescue...

They reached. Brought Mr. Foo with them. Just as they reached, my car took its final breath and officially went dead --toooooootttttttttt--

Tiger stayed there with me while Zaki and Mr Foo went around to find battery shop (replace my battery). Was pretty tough cos it was already 8pm! To cut story short, was already 9.30pm when they finished putting in the new battery and got my car engine on. BUT car was still havin lotsa probs. Went home.

23/09/05 (Friday) - Gav's sms woke me up at 10am. Said he's gonna start his journey. So I woke up and went to college to find Zaki (promised to accompany me to workshop to fix my car). Was someplace nearby my coll. Turns out the prob was not the battery, but the thing near the fan belt (I dono wats it called cos the mechanic wasn't speaking very good english so I cant make out what he was saying). But what I made out was that the problem wasnt the battery (Fuck! wasted RM135) The problem was that the thing in my car was not the original Mazda 323 thingy, was already changed to use a Nissan Sentra's thingy and the Sentra's thing was too big for my car so it had some empty space, allowing dirt and dust to collect in it, therefore, making it get spoiled. (Can anyone make out what "thing" is that and let me know?) told me that I could collect by 1pm. Said fine, cos I predicted I'll have to get my car by about 2pm, so I can meet up Gav and take him to check into his hotel, get food and rest before the OR that night. BUT, later on when I went back to check on my car, he said that the mechanic has gone for lunch and can only finish by around 2pm. So fine, asked him to call me when its done.

About 1.30pm, Gav called! Seems he has reached Kuantan and my car was still at workshop. Fella still haven called to let me know if my car's done!!! So I told him and he actually found his way over to my college in just 1/2 hour or so!!! Amazing!!!

So, went to Megamall to get food before checking into hotel. After lunch, went to check on my car. Turns out the fella forgot to call me when my car was ready!!! =.=''' Paid (RM138) and lead Gav to the hotel.

Tee waited for us at the hotel lobby while we got ready. We wanted to go together. Just as we were gonna leave the hotel entrance to get into Gav's car, it rained!!! Pretty heavily! Talk about good timing... mchtnsccb... Besides that, the road was pretty jammed also... Gav made a grasshopper out of coconut tree leave and gave it to me. =)

Was still raining heavily when we reached the hotel so Gav put me and Tee down at the lobby before parking the car.

Anyways, the event was pretty good le... Not bad. But very hectic for me, cos I had to wear my evening dress there (had to hold the banner and all as opening) and then quickly change into dancing attire for my opening dance. After that, rush upstairs to change into my fashion show attire for the third show and finally, back into my evening dress again to join Gav at our table and enjoy the rest of the night. Was buffet style dinner (which the food at Swiss Garden sucks btw), so Gav got some food for me so I can eat when I got back to our table.

Got some aromatic candles for lucky draw. LoL... Tiger and Azlyn got crowned the new King & Queen of Olympia College 2005 respectively. Best dress goes to Ayu & Zaki (couple). We wondered if it was planned... ;)

Will post some pics of that night as soon as Tiger sends them over to me...

Event ended around 11.30pm. Later on Gav, me, Tiger & Mr. Foo headed to the disco @ top floor, Megamall. First time going disco AND this kinda place in Kuantan. Not to mention we were all too well dressed to go to disco! I was in super high heels and all le!!! Cant shuffle also... sigh... Freakin good sound system though (better than the ones in KL clubs) and not the lala kinda place me & Gav imagined it to be. The live band sings Chinese songs, though. Lucky they take breaks and the DJ takes over with some pretty good English mix.

Both of us wanted to go to pub, so we can sit, drink and talk. But we suspected Mr Foo wanted to go to that Megamall's disco, cos we asked him to intro some pubs to go to in Ktn and he kept sayin that the police closed a lot of them down already (but on the way back Ktn, we saw plenty of pubs, live and kicking, on both sides of the road) LoL!

24/09/05 (Saturday) - Gav was supposed to head back to KL, but wanted to go Kmn instead, so I followed his car and my parents din hafta come down to fetch me back. Anyways, went lunch around 2pm. Gav bought a red dice with white hearts instead of the normal dots for me to hang in my car... =) Then caught Flight Plan at 3.45pm in GSC, Megamall. Damn good movie wei... I recommend! Must watch!!! ^=^

Around 5.30pm, went over to Giant to check out the Mister Coffee business branch here (his family's business). Went to my home to park my car for my sis to go work on Monday and pack my stuff.

Headed back to Kmn. Reached around 8.30pm. Wasn't hungry yet so he fetched me back my home and he went his grandma's place. Bath, unpack, he fetched me out yamcha around 10pm. Came back home around 12am. Washed up, watched a bit of TV, slept at 12.45am!!!

25/09/05 (Sunday) - Gav called to go breakfast at 10.30am. Then went to Awana Kijal to play at the beach. Then about 12.45pm, went to Hai Peng to drink coffee. After that, went to play 2 rounds of snooker. Lost like shite to him wei... sigh... Then later on, went to Kuala to have Otak-otak, Satar & Lekor (yum yum). He went home to his grandma's around 4pm to rest before starting journey down to KL.

Came to find me to talk a while before he heads back to KL. Sigh...

Anyways, definitely a great weekend! =)

Sorry for summary like blogging towards the end. Am pretty darn tired already now and realised I got tons more to type!!! Lazy already... teehee! =P

Orientation Night - Eve

Tomorrow is THE day. For my college's Orientation Night, that is... And I dunno how well it's gonna go, our rehearsal just ended a while ago... it seemed pretty fun and crazy... let's hope it will be like so as well, tomorrow.

Oo... I found someone to go with me to the OR! Yeay! Gavin will be coming down from KL tomorrow just to visit me as well as be my "date" for the function. It's so sweet of him to do so and get me off the extra ticket Im stuck with... Thanks Gav!!! *hugz* =)

Will head to Megamall later on with Tee to find our top for our opening performance, after my sister leaves for KL with her colleague, Jeffrey. Their company, Super Pages will be having their annual dinner down there on Saturday. So that means I will be having the car all to myself... whoopeeee~~!! =D And then me and Tee will go book hotel room for him..

I still dunno what to plan for Gav's visit here... not sure where to take him to and what to do cos I dunno Kuantan that well yet... so let's hope his visit here will not be too boring for him... =/

Mascara

In college now... went to Megamall with Tee just now to get some catalogues from Vincci to paste on our College's Secretarial Board... for decoration purposes of course... =.='''

Anyways, while I was there, I saw this very nice pair of pumps that I simply could not resist buying! It's really nice AND suitable for going out as well as for me to wear to college... Definitely NOT a pair of pumps that will KILL feets... *beams* RM59.90 or something... forgot... it's brownish in color so should not be too difficult to match clothes with it... I HOPE! *gulp*

Hmm... later on we went to Watson's to buy a new mascara to use during my Orientation Night cos my current one, Maybelline Lash Discovery is err... almost dried up? >_< And as a result... I bought the new Maybelline XXL mascara! It's on promotion right now cos its, yes, like I said, NEW... so it's only RM29.80 now (normal price is RM35.90). Came back to college a while ago and couldn't resist trying it out... the result : EXCELLENT!!! I have NEVER seen my eyelashes so long and thick and ... beautiful before!!! It's amazing!!! I have pretty short lashes, so I definitely recommend this to people who have short lashes like me... it really does add length and thickness to my barely-there lashes! And it's pretty darn cheap too! The effect is almost exactly like the one you can get using L'Oréal's Lash Architect (the one with Milla Jonovich or some celeb with the damn 'kua cheong' lashes wan), so if you were originally planning to buy "LA" (which was what I wanted, initially), why not give XXL a try, as it gives similar effect/result AND is much cheaper.

PRICE COMPARISON >> Maybelline XXL : RM29.80 --- L'Oréal Lash Architect : RM45.90.

See the price diff for the same great results? =)

Sooooo happy... w00t~!!

The pics...

Just as promised, the pictures from my Merdeka Parade participation... Sorry, the photo pixels are very huge, it takes too long to load, what with me using TMfuckingNet [dialup]... it already took me ages to load into my Multiply, so... do go take a look at it over there ya? Can browse around too... It's where I store all my pics... Ooo... And do remember to ADD me into your list too if you haven't already done so... *winks*

CLICK HERE : ~***Merdeka Parade '05 Pics***~ Hope you enjoy them!!!

P.S. Do leave comments both in here AND in multiply k? Would love your feedbacks! Muaksss!!!

^('00')^

Pissed...

... is what I feel right now.

Just ended a conversation with F. And I can tell you, it din end pretty.

Dun wanna go into details. Just some personal stuff.

You know what, F, fuck you! I guess its MY fault for not letting you know earlier. So that you wont spend all of this month's earning on boozing and pubbing with your friends. Its my fault that you din keep your salary for rainy days and have savings of your own! And I guess it's MY fault too that you wanna come but cant and you don't want me to ask someone else. What the fuck? I don't know anyone around here! You want me to get someone off the street? The people I know here are all from my college! They are ALL already involved, FYI! You cant come, but you don't want it to be someone else other than you... how does that work out, F? Huh? Tell me what that fucking means!

FUCK!

Maybe boozing with your friends are more important that this... than me... Im pissed. No matter what I do... things doesn't come my way... You say you'll come next month. But the thing is THIS MONTH in case you still in LaLa Land and din realise yet! So what if you come next month. Can I postpone the whole damn thing to next just because of you? All the places are fucking fully booked for this whole year! And FYI, it's not my place to choose ok!

Damn. Fucking. Pissed. Off. Right. Now.

Whatever. I hope you're HAPPY! Cos I sure am NOT!

What d'ya think?

Like my new layout??? Kekeke...

Not bad for someone who knows NIL.ZERO.NADA. about html and all those IT shite yea? ;)

BIG thank you goes out to Jack Jack for aiding me in my "template mission" LoL! Thanks Uncle Jack Jack! ^_^ *hugZ*

Anyways, not much to talk about. Drove down Kuantan today for a meeting about our Orientation Night (in charge of some stuff) and then drove back again... and then sat here few hrs trying to figure out this html stuff...etc... so pretty tired...

Each of us has to sell a minimum of one ticket for the Orientation Night... So... Anyone of you interested to come to my college's Orientation Night? It's only RM50... we have dinner, performances, AND fashion show (which, btw, I am chosen to be one of the models up on the runway that night! Come support me pls...) as well as lucky draw and voting for MR. and MS. Olympia... I have a feeling our head student, Zaki will be Mr. Olympia C. and either Azlyn or Kak Ayu will be chosen as Ms. Olympia C. Yeay...

While I was in college, went to get my timetable for my course, which will commence this coming Monday (12th September 2005) and guess what? I have SEVEN (7) subjects to take in this sem... including one LAN subject snoozathon, Moral Studies. WTF! Can you imagine that??? I hope I can still obtain excellent grades despite the jam-packed schedule... sigh... But determination is strong in me... *chants* I know I can I know I can I know I can... *chants*

Details for Orientation Night -
DATE : 23rd September 2005 (Friday)
TIME : 7.00PM
VENUE : Swiss Garden (Hibiscus Hall)
THEME : Elegant Night
TICKET COST : RM50

[NOTE : I have one ticket in my hand now... Anyone interested to go, do let me know. If more than one ticket is requested, I am able to obtain more] I am NOT joking...

Self confidence : Men v Women

Self confidence. Self esteem.

If there are anything in this world that can distinguish men and women (minus the fact that we women have inflated chest and a "cat" while men has deflated chests, 2 nuts and a "shift stick" below), it's those two things above.

Men, have the highest self confidence and -esteem (not to mention, ego) ever, while women's hit rock bottom! (Speaking for majority case here)

I once read somewhere that, put babboon's ass looking, obese, mop haired (lame man's term : FUCKING UGLY) guy in front of a mirror and what he'd think is, "Man! I look like <>!"

Meanwhile, put a thin, sexy, hot Gucci momma, with legs that go on forever in front of a mirror, and she'd go, "OMG! Im the world's ugliest gal... My thighs are too fat, my eyes are too small, my hair is ugly ...."

Why is it, that men are sooooo PERASAN??? What makes men think they're the best looking, sexiest man alive? and women feel the least bit sexy/attractive?

Anyone???

Tiring Merdeka

Ahhh....

Finally back from the Merdeka Parade... was ok I guess... Had to wake up at 5am in the morn. Be in college b4 6am... feets blistering, marching under the blazing, hot sun for hours to come, sweat pouring buckets full due to the ever so stuffy and hard to walk in baju kurung I had to wear... and the sultan is not even cute! Mwahahahha! Oops... Went out with Tiger, Sze Peng and some of Tiger's friends for yamcha at this nice place called Relax on 30th night... got to fag after a looooooong time! Woohoo! LoL... Got to laugh a great deal listening to Tiger and his crazy brass band mates' stunts... Wanted to even join them at the fields for countdown, but Sze Peng had to be back before 12am, and I din wanna drive back too late, all alone... so we went back around 1130, went to my home, got my stuff and went to her place to stay for the night so we can go to college together the next day. Watched a Taiwan horror movie til about almost 2am and then went to sleep. Gav called me at almost 3am (already asleep), so we talked a while and then got back to sleep. 5am, alarm rang... dead tired CAN! =.='''

But it was pretty fun I guess... standing in front and all the funny and crazy collegemates happen to also be in front... so we were all laughing and joking and talking and stuff... pretty fun despite the hot spell. And our head student, Zaki is crazy and always getting our command (hukum) wrong, hence, the army man (Param) in charge of us had to keep coming over and correcting him and all. But he did joke with us as well... Was hilarious...

After the whole parade was over... went back to college (note: we had to walk from college to field no. 1 and then march to field no. 2 which is dam fucking far away, and then after that had to walk ALL THE WAY back to college AGAIN!) and they prepared some refreshments and stuff for us... was fucking dead tired I could almost fall asleep... Rested in college a while and then around 1pm, drove back home... 1 whole freaking hour driving back... alone! I dono how many times I ALMOST, not quite, but ALMOST dozed off behind the wheel... 3 days of 2-3 hrs sleep and marching for almost whole day... equals dead tired AND the lost of 1 more kilo! Not bad le... ahhaha...

Will post the pics after my sai lou sent them to me... he actually already sent them, but seems to be corrupted and I cant open them... wonder why... hmm...

Anyways, gtg... gotta drive down to Kuantan tomorrow... college having a picnic-cum-BBQ by the beach (Taman Gelora, near Telok Chempedak (TC)) for us who joined the merdeka Parade... gonna be fun in the sun and lotsa pigging out to do! Woo Hoo! Dun jealous yea! =P