Bored...
Sigh...
It's so boring... Im so bored... what a boring place Im living in... A place where the town goes almost dead by 11pm... where you cant even mamak after 12am cos no place is open - AT ALL!
What to do? What to do? What to do? And my actual course is not opened yet, so Im here freaking bored outta my head... I really cannot wait for my graduation by end of next year... so I can find a job located in KL and be in the middle of all the actions again... like I used to be... [how many times have I actually talked about this? Too many I think... U guys are gonna kill me aren't you? =P]
But it's really true... This place is too dead to be true... And living with parents like mine? It dun matter how hip and happening this place is... you will forever have a curfew and a limitation of where you can go and what you can do... Just ask the 24 yr old gal who came from this very same family as me... I dun get why she gave up a job in KL to come back here! [I know la actually... beloved bf here ma] But giving up KL to come back to curfews and controlling parents? OMFG... Well, not quite la... since she usually dun listen to them and they dun freaking do anything about it... oh wait, they do... they PICK ON POOR ME instead! Me... the poor, defenseless one... who gets dragged in the middle of their warpath just cos their elder daughter don't listen to them... *rolls eyes*
Which makes me cant wait to escape this "prison" and have my own sanctuary, my own life, my own freedom... let them deal with her directly instead of diverting the torture unto the innocent victim who doesn't go out, stays home and does her homeworks...
O... The "VIP" has finally read the "crazy" thing I sent... but I gotta wait few more days cos "VIP" wanna think about it first before replying me and giving me the answer... Is this a good sign or a bad sign? Im soooo nervous... sooooo scared over what's it gonna be... I really hope it's the positive answer... Really do... *Prays and hopes* This is so nerve-wrecking... *Breaks into cold sweat* OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG....
It's so boring... Im so bored... what a boring place Im living in... A place where the town goes almost dead by 11pm... where you cant even mamak after 12am cos no place is open - AT ALL!
What to do? What to do? What to do? And my actual course is not opened yet, so Im here freaking bored outta my head... I really cannot wait for my graduation by end of next year... so I can find a job located in KL and be in the middle of all the actions again... like I used to be... [how many times have I actually talked about this? Too many I think... U guys are gonna kill me aren't you? =P]
But it's really true... This place is too dead to be true... And living with parents like mine? It dun matter how hip and happening this place is... you will forever have a curfew and a limitation of where you can go and what you can do... Just ask the 24 yr old gal who came from this very same family as me... I dun get why she gave up a job in KL to come back here! [I know la actually... beloved bf here ma] But giving up KL to come back to curfews and controlling parents? OMFG... Well, not quite la... since she usually dun listen to them and they dun freaking do anything about it... oh wait, they do... they PICK ON POOR ME instead! Me... the poor, defenseless one... who gets dragged in the middle of their warpath just cos their elder daughter don't listen to them... *rolls eyes*
Which makes me cant wait to escape this "prison" and have my own sanctuary, my own life, my own freedom... let them deal with her directly instead of diverting the torture unto the innocent victim who doesn't go out, stays home and does her homeworks...
O... The "VIP" has finally read the "crazy" thing I sent... but I gotta wait few more days cos "VIP" wanna think about it first before replying me and giving me the answer... Is this a good sign or a bad sign? Im soooo nervous... sooooo scared over what's it gonna be... I really hope it's the positive answer... Really do... *Prays and hopes* This is so nerve-wrecking... *Breaks into cold sweat* OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG....
Please pray and hope for me that things goes my way... pls... thanks...
15 comments:
Hey, I've never missed a post. Seriously girl, there's something you have to have to have to do about the way you look at things. I wish I can help you but you're the only one who can help yourself. I said that before right?
Your depression was self made. It wasn't something you couldn't control. My sister, the middle one, has her curfews and all and my parents are very strict with her because of one very big mistake she made. One huge one that totally changed her life. Your parents might be strict and stern with you because you did something really wrong and they do not trust that you can take care of yourself alone. They gave you your freedom while you were still here in KL but you abused it. Look at your studies. I'm very sure you're a smart girl. Everyone said so. You know how disappointed we were when you suddenly changed for the worse? Dev was sad, Naz was disappointed, the rest, I guess they were never that close to feel anything for you. You have to prove to your parents, you have to make that change and start being an optimist and then they will give you the freedom and the same kinda trust they gave you when you studied in Monash. My sister is doing that and she's slowly gaining her freedom. If you can start changing how you look at things and stop all those self made depression which you CAN control, your parents can see and will eventually give you your freedom.
I'm not trying to preach or anything but it's time you get whacked awake. Everytime you say you can do it but you fall back to the same old depressed person eventually. Don't compare yourself with your sister too much. It looks like you're doing that. I know I may be wrong. Think about all those things you're better than others in. Remember how you were so damn good in tennis that you represented the state? How you actually got into Monash from MUFY? It's tough you know MUFY but you made it through. Think about how friendly and how outgoing you were last time when you met me? You were confident, proud, happy and so fun. Think about how you cheered me up when my A Levels result wasn't good enough last time? Remember I almost cried in your dorm?
Do not compare yourself with others too much. Compare yourself with your own self. You're unique in your own way or else I prolly wouldn't have bothered getting to know you the first time =) I miss the old cheerful Ee Lynn I met almost 2 years ago.
I will never understand how you feel but having to face someone who is like you in my house is enough to roughly give me an idea of it.
Sometimes boredom is good =)
Hugs and kisses....3 of us miss you alot.
sK : I get wat u mean gal... U know why I actually "left" the group? Cos I feel so foolish and ashamed of myself... cos I am doing so badly... and you guys are moving forward so well... I really wanna go back to you guys... but it's hard... I dunno if you guys can accept me... and I dunno if I can ever let the shame go away...
I do miss the old cheerful Lynn from before... the confident, proud, happy n everything... I seem to have forgotten how it is like to be that girl... I lost myself... it all went away...
U're the nicest sweetest friend I ever had... cos u always tell me the truth and straight to my face, no matter how hurtful it is. But truth always hurts. That's what I like about u... I always saw (the previous) me inside of u... =)
But let u know one thing, I am now setting my priorities already. I WILL wanna go back to KL after my course ends next yr to work there... so I know what my focuses are. Im trying my best to get back on track again... And also, I actually love the course Im doing right now... having the time of my life... I din actually have interest in business course... I wanted to do hotel line... but parents din allow, want me in business instead.. so I took it, without any interest in it... that's why I cant focus... But of cos I know that's one of the reasons...
I really feel its time for me to get back my self confidence n the eelynn I previously was... and so much more... Its time for me to grow up n get my life back on track...
Hugs n kisses... I really miss you, Naz n Dev very much too... Hope u guys will forgive me...
*gives a big bear hug*
Yeah, I can tell that you're enjoying the course =)
Anyway, when you do come back to KL to look for a job and then get everything all settled. Text me k?
Just remember, you don't need to follow the crowd. You are you, if you try to hard to follow, you'll lose yourself and eventually your self confidence and your identity. I almost lost it once but I got back on track again because I missed my old self =D
There's nothing to be forgiven, really. What we want is for you to be yourself and not someone you're not =)
as much as u'd like to escape your "prison", u can bet that after u do, there'll come a time when u'll realize your parents real intention in doing what they did, was perhaps to protect u.
growing up is a learning process. open your mind, see things from another perspective other than your own.
u may not understand certain issues now....but one day, u will.
best wishes.
OMG...spammers...spamming your site kau kau
SK : Yea gal... dam a lot of freaking spams... Gonna delete them... lol...
Anyway, I'll have to get my life back on track now, finish my course, get a job, love and be confident in myself... and then I'll make it up to u guys... I'll find u all one day... Meanwhile, let's keep in touch yea? Thanks so much gal... =)
saroo-hime : Yea, I do know what u mean. But I think u got me wrong... I am not oblivious to what my parents are doing... they want the best for me, all parents do. But even parents make their mistakes, they do go overboard as well u know? They ARE humans after all...
And dun get me wrong too... I love my parents. But I dun believe in OVERprotecting a person. I believe u should let people learn from their mistakes and experiences, instead of "keeping them in to protect them from the evil evil world outside". Im a person who is carefree. I go out, I do stuff, I make mistakes, I fallout n group myself back, I learn not to make the same mistakes again. That's the way of life. I need freedom.
Holding on to something too tightly will just make it break, burst or repent/rebel. This is something people should know. We are only human. We're not robots, always taking orders and obeying.
But I thank you for ur advice, anyhow. I accept them as they are ur views, ur outlook... so take wat I said cos its my voice, my way of seeing things. Everyone's different.
Best wishes to u too.
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